SUPERMAN'S dead

I don't know why I still write in this, so long after everyone has moved on
I never cared enough to keep in touch and find out for certain but I hope that you are all happy living bold adventurous wonderfully full lives. I hope...

"... because someday you are going to get hungry and eat most of the words you just said... "

"Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe ...."

My eyes are heavy tonight. The safety of silence and solitude in my tiny space is invaded. The TV playing softly in the other room, and the dryer turning summersaults on the laundry's head. The fan shakes and squeaks as it circles round, off balance, like a tiny girl and her hoola hoop; amidst the happy shouts of party goers far away. All these quiet sounds remind me of my solitude. The soft tapping of my computer keys insists to me of your absence. Our midnight conversations would drive the sounds of my world into an ignored background. Reality is silenced when I am in your arms. Tomorrow's fears cease as we fight the morning but Apollo does not compromise. He is resolute in his decision and I am plunging through the night. Starring into the carbon at the stars below me I wonder which one you're on? How quickly I am ripped from my insane joy and propelled thousands of feet into tomorrow. and so I ask myself was it all a dream or is this just a nightmare?

" the world is not perfect, spinning on an axis just doing the best it can. but our love is the counter balance to an imperfect world and it will be there waiting for us. if we let it. it might not be true that you put something in and you get something in return but I have to believe that if we try the best we can we will have happiness. that trying to be a good person and a good husband or wife that will be enough payment to have a good life with each other. never forget our love. because its what life is made of and without it we have nothing. i love you courtney with all my heart and i will always try my hardest to love you for the rest of your life" - polar bear

you're mad at her. I know. hammer and nails. Put me back together. all the kings horses and all the king's men couldn't put her back together again... so 
build her a higher pedestal. maybe this time i'll jump. 

You're looking for your cause and effect.. I cry therefore i am .... I don't have the answers you need. 

"how do you ever expect to love someone else if you can't even love yourself"
                     happiness seems a strange trade for old sins. But im not there yet. 

I would have lied for you,
I would have cried for you,
I crossed the line for you,
I would have died for you.

then go...

time is passing slowly now, in the hours before morning when the sunrise and a plane ride will bring me to you.

you pick her out- the girl with a giraffe
the heat is rising off the pavement and-
the drive holds promise of beginnings
as the trees give way to beaches-to waves
landscapes archaic littered from more violent nights
this imposing vastness, as my love, is boundless

this is my heart

"still to come
the worst part and you know it
there is a numbness
in your heart and it's growing"

i want to rip the world wide open. one breath in the sky is better than a lifetime safely on the ground.

I am the regular at the bar who sits alone every night. I'm the sun in your eyes. the first snow of winter. I'm the hangover throbbing in your temples, your first kiss. I'm free as a bird and I'm the butterfly pinned to the cork board at the science museum. I'm the wind that blows through you're hair on the first day of summer and the smell of the house you grew up in. I am the way you felt the first time she said "i love you" .. and the last time she said "goodbye". I am the car crash you pass on the side of the highway. I am your favorite song on the radio. I am the rainstorm on the 4th of july and the rainbow afterwards. I am the affair your father had and the unnecessary medication your mother takes. I am a bonfire on the beach that burns and burns the whole night through. I am the tiger on the other side of the glass you pressed your nose against when your parents took you to the zoo. and you are my favorite color.


i promise ill remember babes.

"and its a sad sad world, when a girl will break a boy just because she can.. "

The taste of Infidelity--
Indiscretion never felt so right
Maybe just for tonight

I’m not your pillar of salt
Daylight brings distance and
its nobody’s fault

forgot all the feelings-
that were never mine to own
and what if I was yours alone?

blinded by novelty
old dogs play the same tricks
promised I wouldnt run
but i'm already gone

does my fake courage impress you?
when i swear nothing is wrong
smile through "i hates yous"

baby dont close the blinds
let me see the neon over the city
i'm far away when
the boos bring out the anger in you

but she burned down the gentle love
vacancy behind blue eyes
ill be your outlet if you'll be my confidence

6:25

You paced the same steps I drove patterns around the parking lot
Still its all déjà vu but-
Maybe tomorrow ill trust you

I close my eyes
Someone else’s past sings us to sleep and-
Can you read my mind
Like you always seem to do?

Backseat
hair blowing -window gazing freedom
silent as
the radio said the words we couldn’t find

Perched over the city
You were scared but we were infinite
And I swear if I jumped that night
I would have flown

Well I was lonely in spring for this kind of thing
She's shivering alone
I bumped into you somehow
You can wear

My duct-taped vest was my party best
But it’s really all I own
Everything's changing now
And there’s all these winter stars still flying
Cassiopeia
Everything's changing now

She said it’s alright
It's just a bonfire

Lightning comes and lightning goes
And it’s all the same to me
Let it in
‘Cause i want you so
I can hardly breathe and release
Into a thousand pieces
I have broke into
Over you
Kill the flames at dawn,
I keep burning on and on

And I check myself
‘Cause there’s no one else
It’s just us hanging out
Everything's changing now

Maybe we could live like kings
We could take a risk
We could live in doubt
Everything's changing now

And the lightning comes and lightning goes
And it’s all the same to me
Let it in
‘Cause i want you so
I can hardly breathe and release
Into a thousand pieces
I have broke into
Over you
Kill the flames at dawn,
I keep burning on and on

This, this is, this is the last time, its the last time
This, this is, this is your goodbye
This, this is, this is the last time, its the last time
This, this is, this is your goodbye!

Some girls break you down
Just to see you come undone
Everything's changing now

Maybe you and I are cursed
Maybe you and I are one
Thats the universe
Around, around

And lightning comes and lightning goes
And it’s all the same to me
Let it in
‘Cause I want you so
I can hardly breathe and release
Into a thousand pieces
I have broke into
Over you
Kill the flames at dawn,
But I keep burning on and on and on

It’s what you always wanted
It’s what you always wanted
It’s what you always wanted

<3 thank you jordan

Two months and a little vodka invokes a love song from your lips.
You did that and now I'm pleading. Don't do this.

happy birthday mr yesterday

if you see a boy with a white dog...

the district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights and send the autos swerving into the loneliest evening and I am finally seeing...
I was the one worth leaving

Please, remember me
Happily
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin
The time when
We counted every black car passing
Your house beneath the hill
And up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range,
A piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention
But

Please, remember me
Fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then
They went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like 'We'll meet again'
And 'Fuck the man'
And 'Tell my mother not to worry'
And angels with their gray
Handshakes
Were always done in such a hurry
And

Please, remember me
At Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white
By midnight
We'd forgotten one another
And when the morning came
I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world
And then returned
And now you're lit up by the city
So

Please, remember me
Mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower call
Then pass us by
But much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour
Leave and resonate
Just like the gates
Around the holy kingdom
With words like 'Lost and Found' and 'Don't Look Down'
And 'Someone Save Temptation'
And

Please, remember me
As in the dream
We had as rug-burned babies
Among the fallen trees
And fast asleep
Aside the lions and the ladies
That called you what you like
And even might
Give a gift for your behavior
A fleeting chance to see
A trapeze
Swing as high as any savior
But

Please, remember me
My misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain
And chasing trains
The colored birds above there running
In circles round the well
And where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter's
So bright with cinder gray
And spray paint
'Who the hell can see forever?'
And

Please, remember me
Seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees
You turn from me
And said 'The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last'
The clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs
The parking lot
Had an element of danger
So

Please, remember me
Finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear
But if i make
The pearly gates
Do my best to make a drawing
Of G-d and Lucifer
A boy and girl
An angel kissin on a sinner
A monkey and a man
A marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swingers